Liverpool v Manchester always a historical battle!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 17 January 2021

image for Liverpool v Manchester always a historical battle!
For Scousers always a 'Canal Too Far!'

(NOT EDITED) Apart from the minor fact that there are two huge footy clubs in the wonderful county of Lancashire, the rivalry between Liverpool and Manchester goes much darker and deeper!

Both teams wear red, but it is a fact that Liverpool's 'RED' is much darker than Manchester's and resembles blood. Manchester's 'RED' is slightly lighter and resembles a proud Red Rose.

Manchester thrived on cotton mills, and the textile industry, Liverpool thrived on those who picked the cotton being a major hub for dirty-doings in a certain trade, which they love to sweep under their carpets.

Manchester built canals heading eastwards to Yorkshire where cotton was also turned into textiles. Hence, assisting poor Yorkshire inhabitants to stop shagging their sheep (in metaphorical terminology). Liverpool however, concentrated on creating waterways heading west. A much more liable business in 'darker' times.

Manchester hosts a Light-Blue version of the Red invincible version. The Light Blues tend to look towards the Middle East to oil their chains. Liverpool have a Dark-Blue-Version, they tend to get stuck like a lump of 'toffee' behind the Red version whose chains are not oiled by Sheikhs. Therefore, the Red version is driven by a crazed German Nutter, not a panzer.

Today's spectacle, sadly, behind closed doors, will be overshadowed by an awful rendition of a Liverpool song enough to send Manchurians mad, and an increase in the usage of 'Pacemakers' in Manchester.

Lancastrians say the War of the Roses is the catalyst of sometimes violent rivalry between Leeds and United, the real United. However, Scousers always look to Manchester as their main rivals because Liverpool will always play second fiddle to their 'Big Brother' down the Manchester Ship Canal, historically speaking.

The canal is called Manchester Ship Canal because Liverpool is quite ashamed of their 'waterways' towards America, and the cargo they once transported! Manchester tended to do business in 'whiter-than-white' cotton products. However, both business types have now disappeared. One towards Bangladesh, and other poor Asian nations. The other has disappeared forever, thank the heavens, and Liverpool can always be proud of their Beatles, a much more pleasant export article!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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