James Harden Trade - Winners and Losers

Funny story written by J. Christopher Efscott

Friday, 15 January 2021

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Some men playing basketball

Everyone knows there are winners and losers in the James Harden trade. Why? Because trades and trade scenarios are binary, of course! We analyze the two sides.


1. “Brooklyn Beards” references, and admirers of alliteration.

There hasn’t been a pairing of cities and their stars’ most defining feature since Sean Kemp and the Seattle Super Seed Spreaders.

2. People who don’t care about impeachment.

The President being impeached dominated the news cycle for approximately 3 minutes until the Harden trade, and rightly so. Impeachment is to last January. Harden doesn’t get traded EVERY year.

3. People who write winners and losers lists.

Every sports site and news organization had the boilerplate ready for James Harden, and that work finally paid off. Just insert the date and circumstances, updated with the latest news. The same sentiment goes for those who have already written their Ed Asner tributes……”...most recently appearing as the surly step-father in Cobra Kai.”


1. Brooklyn fans who like good, young players. See ya later 2021-2027 first round draft picks!

2.. Teachers who also write sports blogs. Imagine that you’ve just finished another long day in the virtual classroom, and are knee-deep in grading another uninspired paper on the relationship of the downfall of the Weimar Republic and the popularity of Tik Tok when the trade news breaks. Now you have to grade no less than 4 teams and somehow fight your bias that Cleveland will never get above a C minus on anything.

3. The NHL. It’s opening night and nobody cares...again.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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