BILLINGSGATE POST: Nonsense, you say. Perhaps you haven’t been following the news. After being swept under the rug for decades, sightings of mysterious extraterrestrial vehicles and their alien passengers are now commonplace; as universally accepted as the tracking of Santa Claus by NORAD (North America Aerospace Defense) on Christmas Eve. NORAD has been tracking Santa since 1955, a collateral mission that guarantees Santa a safe journey from the North Pole.
Rumors about illicit sexual encounters of high-ranking government officials with extraterrestrial beings are now being taken seriously. Even Snopes, the non-partisan agency that arbitrarily decides what is credible or not, says, “It is highly likely or unlikely that this occurs on a randomly regular basis.”
Speaking of Santa: back in Colorado Springs, in the underground war room where radar technicians follow the airborne tracks of every vehicle circumscribing the known universe, Colonel Winthrop “Winny” Wisecoft, saw something that shook him to his bones:
“WTF is that?” he exclaimed, as he saw an X-Rated image come up on the screen.
“Looks like a gentleman having sex with a extraterrestrial wombat, Sir.”
“Describe him, if you will.”
“Sir...Looks like a marsupial with a triangular head with two antennas.”
“I’m talking about the gentleman, you f*cking idiot.”
“My mistake, Sir. Spitting image of Santa. Will confirm. Over and out.”
Slim: “I hope life as we know it will survive this encounter.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I say neuter them before the ugly bastards breed.”