The Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #8: The Dust Mite

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 25 November 2020

image for The Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #8: The Dust Mite
How uninteresting do you want?

Well, it's Tuesday again, uninteresting animal lovers, and time for another instalment of our once-popular series on uninteresting animals.

Before we get to this week's specimen, we'd just like to apologize for the 16-month gap since the last one; the truth is, I just couldn't be bothered.

Now reinvigorated, I now bring you this week's uninteresting animal - the dust mite.

Dust mites are amongst the most uninteresting - and, therefore, least interesting - creatures on the planet.

They are so uninteresting, that they arouse almost no interest whatsoever in anyone, except those affected by the scumbag creature, when they manage to get into your nostrils, and set you off sneezing like a maniac.

Dust mites have eight legs, and belong to the same family as spiders - the Arachnids. Being in the same family doesn't prevent arguments, however. Indeed, there are regular rows between the two species, though it's not known what the problem is.

Dust mites are so small that they cannot be seen with the human eye, unless you use a powerful microscope, or you possess eyesight that has the same optical capability as a powerful microscope.

Either way, dust mites sren't much to look at!

The filthy little bastards like to live in warm, humid places, such as bedding, carpets, upholstered furniture, clothing, and arseholes. They love to eat skin, and, if you've got an itchy arse, there's a good chance a dust mite is up there feasting on it.

Apart rom ust mites

If you think you may be suffering from a dust mite allergy in your home, thete's a simple test to find out:

1) use a dry cloth to 'sweep' dust from your bed
2) sweep up all other dust from your floors
3) combine the two dust piles
4) put your nose into the combined dust piles
5) sniff up for all you're worth

If you sneeze uncontrollably, you are, most likely, prone to the effects of having too many dust mites in your living space, and might like to consider asking your family, friends, or neighbors if they could take some in, to relieve you of your suffering.

Well, that's all for this week, and it just remains for me to say that I hope you've been uninterested by this insight into the world of dust mites.

There'll be more next week - if I feel like it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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