Emergency Car Seatbelts: How To Make One

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 29 September 2020

image for Emergency Car Seatbelts: How To Make One
It's for your own safety

In this latest in the 'How To Make One' series, we look at seatbelts, and how to fashion one in an emergency from things that might be lying around, so that we can avoid falling foul of traffic laws.

The first thing we can use to get around those pesky seatbelt regulations are good, old-fashioned rubber bands. You'll need about 20 for good reliable protection against being launched through your windscreen, and the more you have, the safer you are. Just link them all together, as girls do when playing skipping games, wrap them around the passenger, and make sure you tie a good, tight knot.

String is also a useful guard against ending up on your bonnet covered in glass. The same principle as using rubber bands should be employed here. Wrap your string around the passenger a couple of times, and secure with a nice bow.

If no rubber bands or string are handy, try using Sellotape to keep passengers in their seats. Regularly scoffed at, Sellotape can act as a perfect restraint. Indeed, anyone who has ever tried to wrap a Christmas gift using Sellotape will know, escaping from the clutches of its clinging stickiness is a near impossibility, and merely encircling your body and the car seat twice, will mean you would need to be cut out of the seat with a decent pair of shears, in the unhappy event of an accident.

The last idea in this range of stupid ideas, is those 'securing straps' with which people often fasten objects to their motorcycles when the objects are way too big to be carried. Just wrap around your body a few times, and then join the hooks together.

We hope this advice was useful, and that you can now look forward to safe and happy motoring, secure in the knowledge - and your seat - that you are 'belted up', and in no danger of flouting the seatbelt regulations.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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