Monkey Woods, renowned infamous Spoof writer, devout Yorkshireman, and Hull City die-hard supporter, has recently been observed as an obsessive Manchester United observer, because of one player, Harry Maguire!
Jaggedone, a die-hard Manchester United fan and King Cantona worshipper, thought this obsession rather weird. So, he sent his CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star footy reporter, Denis 'The Backheel' Lawless, over to MW's place of abode, Bangkok (Please, readers of this rather sleazy spoof, no dirty ideas about people living in Sin City - there are millions there who do not indulge) to interview this devout Yorkshireman's fascination with our Harry!
Here are his results:
'Backheel' Lawless : "MW, why do you love spoofing about our Harry?"
MW: "I just love his pigeon toes and bow legs, but not in a gay way, thanks, Skoob!"
'Backheel' Lawless: "MW, but you are a devout Hull City fan, and most footy fans in Yorkshire, especially those gaffers in Leeds, hate Manchester United, so why do you constantly spoof about our Harry lad?"
MW: "Well, 'Backheel', your namesake once did a naughty and went to Man City, and 'backheeled' United out of the then First Division, so by having an obsession about our/your Harry, I thought he might do something similar, an own goal or two maybe!"
'Backheel' Lawless: "But MW, Yorkshiremen are proud losers, and you sit there watching Sky hoping old Harry, a Yorkshireman through and through, will do a 'moody' on the club that pay him millions. Now that's real Yorkshire logic - do you really believe that?"
MW: "Where there's hope, there's life, after Hull City's demise, and our Harry is a beaming example of that! A Yorkshire lad, Hull City mercenary, and ex-Sheffield United hero infiltrating those rich bastards in Manchester!"
'Backheel' Lawless: "So, MW, you really are not a stalker, just a hopeful proud Yorkshireman hoping your Harry will bang a few own goals in so United can join your mob down below?"
MW: "Yep, that's the way it is! If you can't beat them, infiltrate them, and justice will come eventually. Hopefully before the love of my life, Hull City, goes into extinction!"
'Backheel' Lawless: "So, you believe your Harry is a footy-double-agent 007, and you hope secretly our/your Harry is not quite what he pretends to be?"
MW: "Who won the 'War of the Roses'? Need I say more?"
Well, that's cleared that up, then. MW is no way a Harry Maguire stalker, he's just a lost-soul Hull City supporter praying for redemption betwixt Bangkok and David Batty's awful penalty...