Lionel Richie Told It Wasn't Him You Were Looking For

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

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The lecherous lecturer

Lionel Richie, the American Idol judge and former chart-topping soul singer who had a number 1 hit single with 'Hello' back in 1983, has received formal notification that the person to whom the song was being sung, was not looking for him.

Richie, 70, has been singing the song for so long now, that his query:

"Hello! Is it me you're looking for?"[/]

has started to grate on some people.

Music-lovers everywhere who perceived that the song's heartfelt words of unspoken love were meant especially for them, have said that, although they might have been looking for someone, it wasn't Richie.

One woman, Stacy O'Drivell, said:

"I really liked the song 'back in the day', but it wasn't him I was looking for. I mean, who's looking for a college lecturer with a frizzy bubble perm, who's leching on one of his students? And a blind girl, at that!"

Others felt the same.

Kelly Fuchs, now 48, said:

"I was 15, and used to sit in my bedroom playing 'Hello' over and over and over again, but I can honestly say that repetitive line really gets on my tits!"

And Kayleigh Firstdate, who, at 77, still hasn't had a man inside her, said:

"The line 'And in my dreams, I've kissed your lips a thousand times' is a bit creepy, once you start to think about it. Was it Lionel I was looking for? Not really, I was just looking for someone with a big cock, regardless of whether he was a lecturer or not."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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