Man Tried To Block Out Wedding Music By Playing The Fall At Full Volume

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 25 May 2020

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MES, who was, himself, no stranger to weddings

A man who became incensed after he was forced, yet again, to endure the torture of another Cambodian wedding ceremony close to his home, eventually snapped, and resorted to unconventional measures to block out the loud music coming from the venue.

Moys Kenwood, 56, had put up with the strange warbling songs and eccentric rhythms through clenched teeth for three hours since he was awakened by it at just after 5am, but enough was enough.

To combat the racket coming from the ceremony 400 yards away, he opened up his computer and wired it up to his stereo, cranking the volume to maximum, and selected tracks he knew would drown the wedding music.

For this purpose, he chose 'Crop Dust' by The Fall, from their 'Are You Are Missing Winner' album, and the very next track, 'My Ex-Classmates' Kids', two thrusting walls of sound punctuated by the unorthodox vocal style of frontman, Mark E. Smith.

In the same vein, he 'punished' the neighbors with 'Slags, Slates, etc', and the evil-sounding 'Rowche Rumble', and 'Impression of J. Temperance', all base-heavy, pounding blasts of anti-wedding matter.

On and on he went, with 'Pacifying Joint', 'What About Us?', 'Assume', 'Blindness', and 'Trust In Me' from the 'Fall Heads Roll' album.

Topically, and with tongue in cheek, he let rip with 'Cary Grant's Wedding'.

He finished off by playing the 'live' version of 'Mountain Energei' six times.

He said:

'These weddings are too frequent, too loud, and too long. It's only under extreme provocation that I play music at this volume, but I'd had a bellyful."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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