WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump is still furious with his press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, for exposing his bank account number and routing number to the entire civilized world.
Meanwhile, Trump’s personal attorney, Segundo Juarez, informed the president, that, since his personal accounts have been put out for the entire planet to see, an interesting matter has come up.
Juarez told Trump that his actual net worth is not $2.1 billion, like he thought.
"So, tell me,what is my net worth Seggy?"
"Well sir, please don’t get mad and go all ballistic on me, but your actual net worth is only $473,172."
Trump turned as red as a fire truck, and yelled out: "What the effen, friggin', freakin’ fiddlesticks fondue happened to my money dude?"
"Well, sir, Juarez said softly. "An awful lot of your $2.1 billion went to pay for ahhh…you know…"
"Spit it out fella!" Trump screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Sir, lots, and lots, and lots of your money was used as hush money to pay off over 50 women that you boinked, going all the way back to Halloween of 1997.”"
"Damnit, Seg, your president was quite the player, huh?"
"Oh, yes, sir, I will have to agree that you definitely are the Casanova of presidents."
"Yeah," Trump said, puffing out his chest, "I’m still a chick magnet. And those GOP babes are STILL letting me grab ‘em by the pus*y."
Juarez has told Trump that he is probably going to have to sell Trump Tower, unless he can somehow secure a presidential bailout.