The man pictured above is being hunted by police forces all across the fifty-one states of America, and also in the tacky UK seaside resort of Blackpool.
He is wanted in connection with numerous criminal misdemeanors, all too heinous to mention, which would scare the shit out of the Kray twins.
He goes by several different noms de plume too numerous to mention, but his real name, according to his 1967 birth certificate, is Tatty Mullett.
Sometimes, if he's pushed for time, he spells it 'Mullet'.
Mullett is thought to be residing in Savannah, Georgia, or Fort Lauderdale, Florida, but has an uncanny knack of staying one step ahead of the authorities.
He stands about 4 feet 8 inches tall, and weighs around 230 pounds. He has big, bushy eyebrows, and a tiny cock. His favorite color is pink, and, in his spare time, he likes to work out at the beach, collect bird droppings, and play on his skateboard at the mall.
Mullett has written several books, including the international non-seller 'Down and Out in Paris and Blackpool', which, he claims, emulates the style of his favorite author, Enid Blyton. He also writes spoofs.
If anyone has seen this man, or knows his whereabouts, please get in touch with your local law enforcement office, and, together, let's bring Tatty to justice!