The start of the Conservative Party conference on Sunday was marred by a lewd twitter apparently eminating from a caged bird outside the building. The bird was identified as Acridotheres tristis, or the common Myna. Nigel Farage who was passing at time, sacked the bird, i.e. put a sack over its cage which stopped it from singing lewd rugby songs.
Farage then appeared to ask the bird to join UkIP, but this sent the bird into a frenzy of obscene recitations about an imaginary UKIP member and the size of his genitals.
The Party Conference started with the usual line up of defecting M.Ps and moved on to "Confession Amnesty" now an established part of the agenda where M.Ps are allowed to confess any forthcoming Sunday Newspaper embarrassments.