Is There Sex In The Afterlife? Part 4

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 15 April 2014


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The beings from the planet Sophia69, who have taken over all of earth's Internet, social media, TV, and radio transmissions have beamed an answer to their second "Question Of The Week," "What is the human activity that will make all and any human emotions, actions, desires thought-systems, values, idols, and totems and religions obsolete?"

(The reader will recall that the first question was, "Is There Sex In The Afterlife." The answer may be found in my two previous columns.)

The answer to the second question is "the extinction of all human beings." This, they say will occur due to the effects of earth's climate change. They predict that humans, who are "necrophillic," will do nothing to stop it because their "collective will to survive" does not exist. And, if it did, "it would be overcome by more paramount human needs "such as taking selfies while driving carbon emitting vehicles."

The communiqué from Sophia 69 also includes a dire warning:

"Earthlings, when the human race and their planet is dying out, you may try to escape by going to other planets in the Milky Way that are suitable to sustain human life." (There are about 1,700 such planets discovered thus far.)

The statement continues, "But you humans are necro-parasitic by nature. You have sought the complete subjugation of their planet and all species on it. You have pushed ecosystems of the world out of the environment in which they evolved so all will die. This means death to all humans."

"You earthlings will probably find ways for some of you to run away from earth and go to other planets. However, you necro-parasites will simply trash them way they have their own."

"Therefore we on Planet Sophia 69 will destroy any earthling spacecrafts attempting to leave earth. Obviously, this will be done for the good of the universe as a whole," concludes the statement.

Well, what can I say? In April of 2014 an Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, representing 124 nations found that decades of foot-dragging by political leaders had propelled humanity into a critical situation, with greenhouse emissions rising faster than ever. It warned of ecological catastrophe if carbon emissions were not brought under control.

I fear the situation is as hopeless as the Sophia 69 prediction. It turns out, the governments of the world spend billions of dollars to subsidize fossil fuel extraction to expand GDP and because oil, coal and gas giants control the governments of the U.S. and other nations.

In the U.S. most people believe in climate change but make it a low priority. Most also believe media propaganda that scientists are divided on the issue. Not when 98% think it's real and the rest are on the payroll of BP and Exxon-Mobil!

Looks like the guys walking around with the signs that say "The End Is Coming" are right after all.

Question of the week number 3 from Sophia is, "Why Doesn't The U.S. Government Make manufactures of the Chevrolet Volts and Cobalts Affix Death's Head's To The Doors of The Vehicles?"

Stay tuned dear reader.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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