Is There Sex In The Afterlife? Part 2

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Monday, 14 April 2014


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As everyone on earth now knows, beings from the planet Sophia 69, that harbors extraordinarily intelligent extra-terrestrial life, have taken over all of earth's Internet, social media, TV, and radio transmissions in recent days.

As reported in my last column, while allowing the usual programs and offerings that provide content related to deviant sex, aggression and rage, mass murder, war, jingoism and flag worship, "news" programs have been fundamentally altered.

Information or "news" offerings now provide content of substance. The presentation on the news of the activities and ideas on the news of such insignificant people as Dennis Rodman, Glen Beck, and Miley Cyrus no longer are presented. Yesterday, the list seem to have been expanded to Christian and Islamist fundamentalists, terrorist recruiters on the internet and some others.

Yet, TV and Internet content related to aggression and its many permutations (Cop and Crime snows, film of U.S. undocumented worker arrests, cage fighting,
etc) are apparently allowed so that viewers and users will stay tuned or remain on the Internet to watch at least some news with actual content and analysis.

Too, participants are constantly subjected to a stream of subliminal messages mostly derived from the ethical teachings of the major world religions extolling peace and love. Evidently this messaging is a qualitative antidote to the violent content that is allowed.

There is also another "hook" to get all humans involved in Sophia 69 controlled media: As humans know, there is the "question of the week" on TV, internet, and radio. This week's inquiry, as all readers of this column know, is into whether there is sex in the afterlife.

The answer was revealed yesterday by a message beamed to all of the world's media from Sophia 69:

"It all depends. First of all, afterlife sex is very different from that on your planet. It cannot really be adequately described, On earth some people who practice Tantra achieve an altered state of consciousness and experience full body organism. But that is only the beginning in the afterlife," states the communiqué.

"This is combined with something like the experience of simultaneously sipping a 1947 Château Cheval Blanc, inhaling a Baccarat Les Larmes Sacrees de Thebes perfume, and hearing the Song of Solomon 4:7 read by Scarlett Johansson. The rapture is beyond human imagination," It says.

But, says the message from Sophia 69, sexual experience in the afterlife is denied to people who use the Bible, Torah, and Koran to promote hate, not love; fundamentalist Islamists who oppress and terrorize women and girls; politicians and school officials who provide false information about human sexuality in Mississippi and other states; parents who connect sex with shame; and many other categories of malevolent people.

There is much more information to be reported on sex in the afterlife according to Sophia 69, but due to space limitations, that will be reported in the next column. Of particular interest will be the descriptions and punishment for two categories of people who are to be denied sex.

Stay tuned dear reader.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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