Is There Sex In The Afterlife?

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Saturday, 12 April 2014


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A star in our Milky Way galaxy called beta CVN in the constellation Canes Vebatucui has a companion planet, Sophia 69, that harbors extraordinarily intelligent extra-terrestrial life. Its civilization is so advanced that is beyond human imagination. It is 153 trillion miles from earth.

This is the planet whose inhabitants have taken over all of earth's internet, social media, TV, and radio transmissions in recent days. Sophia 69ers seem to be primarily interested in overseeing the survival of the planet earth in all of its remaining life forms.

As almost every human on earth now knows, much of Sophia 69 media is devoted to a presentation of materials related to human aggression and rage; prurient interest in sexual and deviant behavior; anti-social activity; and worship of totems (such as flags of countries) that are emblems of the identity of the tribe/nation that often call for the blood-sacrifice of young men in unnecessary wars.

Obviously, Sophia 69 inhabitants believe that humans would not watch or participate in media without such content.

However-again, as almost every human on the plant is aware-there is now the dissemination of information on TV, internet. and social media necessary to the survival of the planet and the well being of the human race. Of course, such material had been lacking before Sophia 69 took over control of it.

What, in the past, was called "news" - which was, mainly, coverage of the popular and celebrated, gossip, hearsay, idle talk, government propaganda, and material presented without context- has been replaced by programs with content of substance.

People of no consequence such as Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian, Lindsey Lohan, Rush Limbaugh, Dennis Rodman, and Sara Palin, will still be seen in media but will disappear from the "news." With such figures diminished in the public consciousness it will be interesting to see what late-night comics and unremarkable satirists will use as objects of ridicule.

Commenting on the takeover of world media by Sophia 69, Professor B.F. Skinner, a communications professor from Harvard, stated:

"We need to pay attention to 3 things in particular: What we used to call "news" is now presented in media by the most beautiful, handsome humans on the planet who are almost without clothing. That certainly gets the attention of viewers! The second is that complex issues are broken down in small parts so that they can be understood by most humans who are by nature listless, slow in mental processing, and prone to daydreaming. "

"Finally, there is continuous subliminal messaging on TV and over the internet, actually taken from the teachings of the major world religions: "peace is preferable to war," "love is better than hate," "we should help the needy," "nurture the planet," and the like," stated the Harvard Professor.

And, as humans know, there is the Sophia 69 "question of the week." This week's inquiry, of course, is into whether there is sex in the afterlife. Since most humans are consumed by sex, the world is holding its breath to see what the answer is. That is due to come four days from now.

That the earth's media is now under the control of extra-terrestrial beings and what Sophia 69 will do next to earthlings is the major topic of conversation around the world. That, though, is second in importance to discussion of the topic of sex in the afterlife.

Stay tuned dear reader.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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