Nottingham News for W/E: 20th May 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 20 May 2012

image for Nottingham News for W/E: 20th May 2012
Friday 18th May 2012

Monday 14th May 2012
Topic: Crime - Another elderly person attacked
"Elderly Nott's woman injured in burglary"
Source: Notts Police
Extract: Police are hunting a man who injured an elderly woman during an armed burglary in Worksop on Saturday (12 May).
The burglar entered the home of the 88-year-old woman at around 9.45pm, armed with a six-inch knife.
He demanded money from the woman but she refused, tried to fight him off, and suffered a cut to her hand during the struggle.
The burglar carried out a search of the address before fleeing on foot. It is not thought anything was stolen.
He was white and wore a grey hooded top, which was pulled over his face, and blue jeans.
The victim was taken to hospital for treatment and has since been discharged.
Detective Sergeant Rick Jones, from Newark CID, said: "She has been left with a painful cut to her hand and is extremely shaken by what happened.
"This was a horrific attack on a vulnerable, elderly woman in her own home.
Witnesses or anyone with information should contact Nottinghamshire Police on 101 or call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

Comment: These violent attacks on the elderly make me sick!

Monday 14th May 2012
Topic: Police cutbacks - London Olympics - Crime
"Recruitment of new PCSOs under way"
Source: Nott's Police
Extract: Nottinghamshire PoliceĀ is recruitingĀ dozens of new Police Community Support Officers (PCSOs), to bolster front line neighbourhood policing.
Approval for the recruitment drive was given by the Police Authority in March. The force wants to recruit a mix of full-time and part-time PCSOs, to enable it to provide enhanced cover at the times required by communities.
The force is anticipating a high level of interest and will cap the number of applicants at 1,000 to prevent delaying the recruitment process. The closing date for applications is today, 14 May 2012.
Assistant Chief Constable Paul Scarrott said: "PCSOs are a vital part of the policing family because they play such an important part in neighbourhood policing. They are truly valued, both by the force and the communities in which they work.

Comment: Ah, so the dozens of PCSOs are to replace the 288 proper PCs being sent to police the London Olympics are they?

Tuesday 15th May 2012
Topic: Education
"Protest: Nottingham parents oppose five-term school year"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Some parents in Nottingham who are opposed to a proposed change to a five-term school year have staged a protest outside the Nottingham Council House.

Comment: Mrs Hilda Roberts of Bulwell commented: "It's hard enough to get the beggars to school as it is!"

Wednesday 16th May 2012
Topic: Crime - Hit & Run
Councillor appeals for witnesses to Nottingham hit-and-run""
Source: This is Nottingham
Extract: Haydn Thomson, 19, of St James Avenue, Ilkeston, remains in critical condition in the Queen's Medical Centre following the crash on early Saturday morning. He was in collision with a silver Vauxhall Vectra at the junction of Stanton Road and Union Road.
After the crash, the silver Vauxhall Vectra did not stop and was last seen travelling south towards Little Hallam Hill.
The police would particularly like to hear from anyone who saw a silver Vauxhall Vectra in the area, or in Ilkeston town centre at about 2am on Saturday, or who saw a silver Vauxhall with significant front damage travelling towards the Kirk Hallam area after the collision.
Three men have been arrested and released on police bail. Anyone who has information about the incident should ring the witness appeal line on 01773 572929.

Comment: Actions like these should carry a charge of 'Assault with a deadly weapon' like in America!

Thursday 17th May 2012
Topic: Cycling - Festival
"Cycle Live festival comes to Nottingham"
Source: This is Nottingham
Extract: A new three-day cycling festival comes to Nottingham in the summer, it has been revealed. Cycle Live, which takes place from 13 to 15 July, starts with a grand prix style circuit races on traffic free roads in a variety of categories, from a schools challenge through to elite races.
The free event hopes to provide a range of cycling based activities for everyone.
Over the weekend people will be able attend sessions to have a go on heritage and the latest bikes. Live music and entertainment will also be on offer.
The Great Nottinghamshire Bike Ride, now in its 31st year, also takes during the weekend.

Comment: I don't suppose it will make any difference if I remind them that 3 cyclist have been killed, 58 hospitalised, and 74 injured in accidents in Nottingham up to now this year?

Friday 18th May 2012
Topic: Crime Statistics
"Nottingham Public Disorder & Weapons Crimes

Source: UK Crime Statistics Nottingham
Sept 2011: 246 - Oct 2011: 271 - Nov 2011: 200 - Jan 2012: 195 - Feb 2012: 200 - Mar 2012: 249 - April 2012: 266 - May 2012 (Up to 17th): 199
Bicycle theft:
Sept 2011: 45 - Oct 2011: 48 - Nov 2011: 54 - Jan 2012: 54 - Feb 2012: 61 - Mar 2012: 77 - April 2012: 84 - May 2012 (Up to 17th): 66

Comment: I wonder how many were not recorded?

Saturday 19th May 2012
Topic: Accident - Escalator - West End Arcade
"Nottingham man tells how escalator tore off his big toe"
Source: BBC News
Extract: A man has had to learn to walk again after an escalator ripped off his big toe in a Nottingham shopping centre.
Michael Reddington, 24, thought his left foot was going to "snap off" when it became stuck in the escalator at the West End Arcade.
He and a man from a nearby shop used a screwdriver and Allen key to release the panels trapping his feet.
Firefighters arrived and lifted Mr Reddington out after he was trapped for 25 minutes.
Mr Reddington, who lives in the St Ann's area of Nottingham, said: "Straight away it was agonising pain.
"It felt like the front end of my foot was going to snap off. The pressure was unbearable and the pain was ridiculous."
"It was like something out of a horror film. I had never seen anything like it, not on anyone else either, so to have it happen to me it was just bizarre."
Firefighters found his big toe but Mr Reddington decided not to have it attached.
"They told me [in hospital] I could keep my toe but it could die on my foot and cause gangrene and I could lose my leg, so I told them to throw it."
Comment: The West End Arcade escalator is still blocked off. The arcade was already suffering with lack of trade, and nine of the retail units were unoccupied. Now three more have gone bankrupt - as the blocking of the escalator means no passing trade!

Sunday 20th May 2012
Topic: Violent crime
"Two Nott's men jailed for violent robbery spree"
Source: Nott's Police Site
Extract: Two men who embarked on a spree of violent robberies in Mansfield are beginning lengthy prison sentences. Chandler and Hill, both from Mansfield, used extreme violence against their victims, who continue to experience medical and physical problems five months on.
* They attacked the 28-year-old taqxi driver, from Warsop, by repeatedly hitting him in the face, causing facial injuries and a broken nose. They stole his mobile phone and fled without paying their fare.
* they attacked a 59-year-old Warsop man whose motorbike had broken down as he travelled to work. Armed with knives, Chandler and Hill pushed him to the floor and repeatedly kicked him to the head.
* They then set upon a 68-year-old man in Clarkson's Alley at around 6am. They punched him in the face and kicked him to the chest, stealing his mobile phone and wallet. He suffered broken ribs and head injuries as a result of the vicious attack.
Chandler and Hill inflicted serious brutality on their victims for a few trivial items. This was not just about financial gain - this was about inflicting violence.
At Nottingham Crown Court on Thursday (17 May) Chandler, of Simpson Road, was jailed for eight years and 28 days while Hill, of Clifton Place, was sentenced to eight years.
Comment: And they call these 'lengthy sentences?' Hang um, bring back the death sentence and use it on violent scum!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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