My Senior Moments for W/E: 13th May 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 13 May 2012

image for My Senior Moments for W/E: 13th May 2012
Friday: Pippa the Fat Black Cuddly Cat returns!

Monday 7th April 2012
* Went over to see Stewart, I remembered that it was bank holiday, so he would not be going to his centre that day, so assumed he'd be in. No point in going over before about ten o'clock, he likes his kip. No answer. Went for a little walk as the knees were stiff and painful. Called at Stew's again, no answer. His cat was meowing to be let in, so led her to me hovel, and fed her.
* I'm hoping either he's slept in, or had told me he was going somewhere and I'd forgotten.
* Dead to the world by 1700hrs, I nodded on and off until morning.

Tuesday 8th May 2012
* Woke up, straight to WC. Sat and assessed the pains, and thought about what day it really was, and what I had to tend to.
* Then to kitchen to make a cuppa, thought how it was far less cold this morning, then noticed I'd left the oven on overnight. Took medications
* Updated Spoof stuff. Must go to see Stew later, hope he's alright. I'll make some cheese potatoes and take them with me for Stew and Margaret. Well, the oven was heated ready!
* Had a little walkies to town. I noticed the general despondency in the faces of the people, and the dog poo was getting more predominantly white in colour.

Wednesday 9th May 2012
* Even I'm not sure how it happened, but I awoke, put the kettle on, and went up to the WC - and turned off the water heater and the radiator that I'd left on all night. Mind you, despite the fear of the size of me next electricity bill - it was a very warm feeling in passing.
* Chest pains a little less this morning, the knees not too bad (mind you I haven't started walking yet), no dizzy spells, and the fingers have not frozen either - looking good today! I had a feeling it was going to be a Special Day!
* Went to launderette, and no odd socks found. Good!
* Came home, put togs away, then went over road to see Stewart, he was doing and looking well. Good!
* Went to Bulwell for shopping, got some short date cereals as half price, bacon on offer, and cheap milk. Good!
* When in the cheap food shop, I came across a bloke and woman who were struggling to pick up a pouch they had dropped, bent down to pick up and were temporarily stuck in a bent position. I commiserated with them, and bent down retrieve the pouch - then there were three of use stuck!
We were actually laughing at our predicament, when a shop assistant came on the scene, bent down to pick it up, and banged her head on a shelf! Then there were four of us laughing, and all of us in pain! A gem of a moment!
It's incidents like this that make life worth living for me. Good!
* Got the right bus home. Good!
* Put some bacon in the oven, and just had to write this addition to my Senior Moments while it was in my memory banks. Good!
* The black smoke from the kitchen eventually prompted me to attend and investigate. Not Good!

Thursday 10th May 2012
* Made some bacon & chips in barbecue sauce for Margaret and Stew.
* Went over the street to visit disabled neighbour Stewart and his delectable carer Margaret. both doing okay.
* Persistent rain encouraged my to spend the day inside on the computer, did a lot for the Spoof, but made many errors along the way, will have to check them out again in the morning before posting.
* Had a bath, that I managed quiet well... I mean the getting in and out of it parts. Carbolic soap with (2 bottles for a pound) antiseptic disinfectant used, very refreshing!
* Didn't burn any food tonight! (come think of it, I didn't eat anything either!)

Friday 11th May 2012
* Made some veg and sausage curried stew for Margaret, will take it over later.
* Found a note I'd left meself in kitchen, to remind me to fetch prescriptions from chemist, and get bread, hearing aid batteries and washing-up liquid. I was pleased to find the note and a little proud of myself... but could I 'eck as remember writing it?
* Had a bash on the Spoof, checking the Zodiac pets contributions in readiness for posting. Hard to concentrate this morning.
* Went up for shave and wash, stubbed me flippin' toe on stairs again - swore.
* Started to walk to Arnold to get some shopping, but the wind was to strong to walk comfortably, so I called in shops at Sherwood.
* Guess what? Pippa the black fat cuddly cat who has been missing for months - walked in nonchalantly this morning as if she'd never been away, and meowed for her food at the spot where she used to get fed! She's looking good too, well fed, nice shiny coat etc? Beats me!

Saturday 12th May 2012
* Stew and Margaret both okay this morning.
* Walked to town and caught bus to Morrisons, bus back to town, then walked home - notable points of this epic journey?
Lady collapsed outside Victoria shopping centre, medics attending as I passed by.
On bus out to West Bridgford, woman tried to run across road when lights changed, fell on her bum, bus continued on.
Arriving at Morrison's, woman being treated in car park, where car had reversed into her.
Got off bus on return journey in town, to find bloke had been knocked over on the zebra crossing, in bad state, being treated by paramedic.
Walking home up Mansfield road, and car stopped at pelican traffic lights, and cyclist ran into the back of the car.
An injury-ridden little shopping trip indeed!

Sunday 13th May 2012
* Bad night for chest pains, woke up at 0300hrs. Didn't half get a scare when Pippa jumped up on me and head-butted me in me face just like she used to, to draw my attention to her desire to be fed! I'd forgotten she was in the house, fed her outside. Must buy some food and kitty-litter for her today, just in case she decides to stay a while.
* Concerned about what might develop when Pippa meets up with Stewart's cat (another female black one) Cloe, because she sometimes comes in the house?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more