Selected Political News for W/E: 13th May 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 13 May 2012

image for Selected Political News for W/E: 13th May 2012
Another smug smile from our Etonite leader

Monday 7th May 2012
Topic: London Olympics - Terrorism
"Worker smuggles fake bomb past TWO checkpoints into the Olympic Park... just hours before stadium officially opens!"
Source: Mail Online
Extract: A site worker took the dummy device into the Stratford stadium after he noticed security flaws.
The fake Semtex device got through two checkpoints and was in full view of guards.
It was wired like a bomb and had a ticking clock but still went unnoticed!
The revelation will raise security fears after the construction worker was asked to take the 'bomb' into the stadium by The Sun on Sunday.

Comment: Well at least they didn't hack any phones!

Tuesday 8th May 2012
Topic: Election response - Cameron
"David Cameron says he gets the message after local election losses"
Source: Guardian
Extract: Prime minister says he has no excuses for poor performance at polls, and pledges to focus on what matters. He said excuses about midterm blues were not enough to explain the party's dire performance at the polls. Echoing the chancellor, George Osborne, Cameron pledged to "focus on what matters". He promised to do more to help hard-working people who "want to get on and play by the rules".
In an article for the Telegraph, he wrote: "My reaction to last week's local election results is straightforward: I get the message, loud and clear. I know that the familiar excuses - low turnout, midterm blues - aren't enough. Even the difficulties of our economic situation and the tough but necessary decisions the government has had to take cannot fully explain the results.

Comment: Hogwash!

Wednesday 9th May 2012
Topic: Coalition Government
"David Cameron and Nick Clegg to 'relaunch coalition'"
Source: BBC News
Extract: David Cameron and Nick Clegg will appear together later to stress their continuing commitment to the coalition and the programme they agreed in 2010.
Both leaders have come under pressure from their own parties to stress more distinctive policies after suffering losses in last week's local elections.

Comment: Their continuing commitment to the coalition and the programme they agreed in 2010? Surely that very event caused the local elections route in the first place?

Thursday 10th May 2012
Topic: Unemployment - Coalition - Economy
"Regional Jobs Fund costs up to £200,000 per job, says National Audit Office"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Each new job created by a flagship government scheme could cost taxpayers as much as £200,000, say auditors.
The Regional Jobs Fund was designed to help businesses create private sector jobs in parts of the country with high levels of public sector employment.
The government has already made changes to improve the scheme, Business Secretary Vince Cable claimed.

Comment: Another mind-blowing exercise from our beloved collection of Coalition criminals!

Friday 11th May 2012
Topic: Nepotism - Coalition - Cameron - Economy
"Government gives £30,000 of taxpayers' money to David Cameron's old school Eton"
Source: The Mirror
Extract: MINISTERS gave more than £30,000 of taxpayers' money to David Cameron's old school Eton to hire one of its teachers.
The Cabinet Office paid the fee to hire Liam Maxwell for "strategy and management information".
The £32,976 covered his salary while he was seconded for seven months last September to approve all central government IT projects above £5million.

Comment: I'm getting sick of hearing stuff like this!

Saturday 12th May 2012
Topic: Government cuts - Protest
"150,000 Join Futile March against Government Cuts!"
Source: The Express
Extract: A strike by public sector unions hit only a minority of services yesterday after most workers turned up for duty.
Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude said patchy support for the 'futile' walkout, plus successful Government planning, had kept disruption to a minimum.
Yesterday's industrial action was the third significant walkout in six months and unions promised strikes would go "on and on and on".

Comment: People are genuinely frustrated, if these actions are 'Futile' - what other choices do they have? Join the upcoming Summer Rioters?

Sunday 13th May 2012
Topic: Poll
"Latest UK Voting Intentions Poll"
Source: UK Polling Report
Conservatives 34%, Labour 44%, Lib-Dem 7%, UKIP 7%. Other 8%

Comment: Labours lead down 1%?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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