O'Bomba Outlines Jobs Emphasis, Appoints Steve Jobs as New Jobs Czar in "No Jobs Left Behind Program"

Funny story written by Richard DagNabbit

Thursday, 28 January 2010

image for O'Bomba Outlines Jobs Emphasis, Appoints Steve Jobs as New Jobs Czar in "No Jobs Left Behind Program"
O'Bomba Job Outsourcing, Its the American Way!

President O'Bomba, under great pressure to turn the economy around and get 25 million unemployed workers back to work, made jobs a priority in his State of the Union Speech tonight.

In a Government Growth Initiative Extravaganza, O'Bomba created a new Federal Agency to be in Charge of Jobs, and immediately appointed Steve Jobs as Jobs Czar. "Jobs are priority number one for the nation, and clearly Steve Jobs is Job perfect to head up Jobs creation."

The President also indicated all Federal Government Agencies will be switching from PC's to Apple iPads. O'Bomba then presented Steve Jobs with a 12 trillion dollar purchase order after the speech to manufacture the iPads and ship them to all of the many Federal Agencies. O'Bomba noted the iPads will enhance job performance and improve porn site access for overworked and underpaid Federal employees. The P.O. is expected to run over 25 years to replace all Federal Personal Computers not already stolen, taken home for the kids to play with or sold to double agents working for Terrorist States.

Jobs, in a post appointment interview, stated "We will of course be hiring millions of workers for many types of jobs that will be necessary to fulfill this order, which is exactly what the nation needs right now - jobs."

With the astounding wabbit seemingly having been pulled out of a hat at "just da wight moment", Al Gore, a Director on the Board for Apple Computers stepped in and reminded reporters that the jobs necessary to make the megalith contract happen have already been analyzed, cost compared and finally outsourced to a "Greener" and "More Energy Efficient" manufacturing operation in China. Gore further indicated that potential U.S. Job applicants are now eligible to file claims for temporary "coulda, woulda and almost hadda Jobs Job Jobless benefits which include free cd's of the "Pulled the Magical Wabbit out of the Hat" speech by O'Bomba and Co.

The newly established Federal Agency however will not be affected by the outsourcing of Jobs jobs to China. Instead, the new Jobs Agency will begin hiring at least 2,000 Old Farts for new Executive Jobs by picking up overpaid flunkies from failed Bailout Companies, bankrupted Investment Firms and Culture Crony recommended Troglodytes to oversee the transfer of "never actually happened" jobs to China and ensure that there are "No real Jobs Left Behind."

In other related news, Sprint announced a layoff of upwards of 15,000 jobs while Home Depot added another 1,000 lost jobs in a nationwide layoff to preserve profits and quarterly bonuses for management.

O'Bomba Jobs Away!

Reporting from Beijing,

Dagnabbit Rabitt

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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