Just four short days into the new year, and a man who reckons he is a bit of an expert on such matters has said that it's entirely possible, by no great stretch of the imagination, that 2021 could eventually, by far, outstrip 2020 in its shitness.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Department of Unemployment has just informed the news media, that one Donald John Trump has just submitted a pre-unemployment request to receive unemployment benefits. A representative for the DU, stated that…
SQUIRREL NUTS, West Virginia – Willie and Billie Peckerpucker say that, due to the Coronapalooza virus, they have not been able to work at their coal mining jobs for three months. Willie said they each get $47 a week unemployment, but, after they…
After being laid off his day job due to a coronavirus-related moratorium on contract renewals, aspiring professional photographer Jimmy Fogg of Nashville, Tennessee, once again found himself unemployed and at loose ends. In other words, he’d come ful...
ANAHEIM, California – Trump’s COVFEFE-19 Flu has now affected the Wonderful World of Disney. The Oxnard Obligatory Observer is reporting that over 85 Disney cartoon characters have been laid off including Jack Be Nimble and Lady Godiva. One Dis...
LAS VEGAS – Now that the number one entertainment mecca of the world has come to a total standstill, many Las Vegas employees are having to apply for unemployment benefits. One group of individuals that is really feeling the pinch,is the wild, wic...
In a rare moment of bi-partisanship, Republicans and Democrats are united and their new found unity will have major implications for immigration policy and the U.S. labor market. According to Shiv Aalok, White House Minister of Truth, Democrat House...
To assist his ailing social life, 33-year-old Lewis Largo, a former technical consultant who's struggled to find work since being laid off from financial services giant Ernst & Young almost four years ago, decided to rebrand from "out of work" to...
There were frowns and awkward sideways glances this week, when it was noticed that a city centre unemployment office had remarkably metamorphisised into something less savoury, it's fair to say. Essex House, the Unemployment Benefit Office on the...
Ineffectual companies always hire large numbers of incompetent employees. One of the oldest corporate lies is that people are the most important of assets. If that were true, companies wouldn't have to assess why their hiring practices fail at rec...
A man has admitted under cross-examination by the Unemployment Office, that he has nothing better to do than unravel string. Maurice Brooke, 56, made the astonishing revelation during a back-to-work interview at the office that has delayed his Uni...
A gifted graduate from medicine school, with many other useful practical skills, cannot comprehend why he has, thus far, been so unsuccessful in the job market. Maris Radszcinszi studied Medicine for four years, and, when an opening didn't immedia...
President Donald Trump has indicated at a meeting with Republican colleagues, that, as a way of solving problems in the employment sector, he "would not totally oppose" the idea of a return to slavery on a limited scale. The news had an earth-shat...
A new industry has arisen to aid the nation’s unemployed, under-employed, and full-time employed who have only three part-time jobs. At this time, machine laundering in the sex doll brothel movement has not sufficiently developed, and humans are...
There was little sympathy for one man this week, when it was revealed he had received his dole cheque on Wednesday, and then headed straight for Las Vegas, where he spent the fucking lot! David Arsehole, 23, from Manchester, signed on at the Unemp…
This week, President Trump needs to deal with bigger issues than backing out of the Paris Climate Agreement. In early June, over 3.5 million Americans became unemployed. Sources say the government and the media are keeping this issue quiet because it...
Trenton, NJ (Fox News): The New Jersey legislature has sent back to committee a bill that provides the opportunity for ugly hookers to apply for state jobless benefits. The bill, H6901, added "Ugly Hooker" to the list of occupations eligible to a...
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