HOLLYWOOD - It is now finally official. Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez have signed their contracts and will join Randy "The Black Pitchy Dawg" Jackson as the second and third judges on the hit singing reality show American Idol.
Tyler is of course replacing the legendary iconic T-shirt wearing Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" Cowell and Lopez, aka J.Lo is replacing the hormoned raged Kara DioGuardi, who reportedly last season reached down and grabbed Simple Simon's stimulus package an average of 6.3 times per show.
In fact, AI producer Simon Shindlebocker, no relation to the gentleman who wrote Shindler's List or the American Civil War classic Gone With The Wind stated that he met with Ms. DioGuardi on six occasions and asked her to stop flirting with Mr. Cowell because he was engaged and his fiancee Mezghan Hussiany had threatened to walk up behind her during one of the commercial breaks and bite off her left index finger.
But DioGuardi being a New York woman simply replied in a heavy Brooklyn accent, "Youse ain't makin' me stop yo, ya hear bro?"
Mr. Shindlebocker added that once Ellen "Butchy Boy" DeGeneres quit Kara suddenly figured that she was sitting in a nice position to ask for and demand a doubling of her salary.
He said that he just laughed in her face and told her that he was firing her and for her to get her 'Big Apple' ass and double on out of his office cause he was going to have Randy J. go outside and paint over her name on her former American Idol parking lot parking space.
Meanwhile an inside source has stated that Steven (Tyler) can hardly wait to sit next to the erotically sensuous J.Lo, and furthermore he has made it known that if she wants to touch his legs, his knees, his thighs, or his groin dangler then she can knock her Puerto Rican lights out.
SIDENOTE: Ryan Seacrest is 35 and his girlfriend Dancing With The Stars dancer Julianne Hough is 22. An American Idol insider says that Ryan is so thrilled with his gorgeously sexy girlfriend that he cannot talk about her for more than 45 seconds without drooling all over his shirt.