Ousted American Idol Judge Kara DioGuardi Is Reportedly Still Very Devastated

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 21 August 2010

image for Ousted American Idol Judge Kara DioGuardi Is Reportedly Still Very Devastated
Kara Dioguardi at her home looking through the want ads.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kara DioGuardi's hair stylist FuFi Fondue confided that DioGuardi is still devastated at having been fired by American Idol Producer Simon Shindlebocker.

Kara told FuFi that she devoted all of her time to the show and then all of a sudden she received an email from Shindlebocker telling her that she was being fired.

Fondue asked Kara if the rumor about her being fired because she disobeyed executive orders to stop touching Simon (Cowell) and basically salivating all over him as she grabbed his 'Little Simon' underneath the table was the reason for her dismissal.

Kara shook her head and responded by saying that she had stopped grabbing Cowell's pecker underneath the table during the commercials of the final three shows of the season.

She was then asked if maybe her infatuation with Fort Worth singer Casey "The Cowboy Toy" James, who she swooned all over may have contributed to her termination. She smiled and said that she never really touched Casey in person.

When FuFi asked her to explain, Kara said that yes she did fantasize in her head that he took her to a motel room and jumped all over her like honeybees on pollen, but that it was all just make believe.

Fondue asked her why she felt she was fired. Kara thought for a few moments and replied, "I would be willing to bet that the lesbianite Ellen DeGeneres may have had something to do with it."

FuFi replied that Ellen was also fired as well. Kara said she understood that, but before she left she told the shows director Simon Witleywine that Kara had made a pass at her and had asked her if she would like to meet someplace so that Ellen could show her some amazing physical tricks that she could do with her mouth and namely her oversized tongue.

When Kara rejected her DeGeneres told her that she would get back at her for rejecting her lesbianite advances, which she just doesn't offer to any Tomasina, Dickette, or Harriet.

SIDENOTE: So as it stands. Simon Cowell will be replaced by Aerosmith's lead singer Steven "Lips" Tyler. Ellen DeGeneres will not be replaced. Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson, who is the one who should have been fired will return. And Kara's judge's spot which was supposed to have gone to Jennifer "Booty Woman" Lopez will now be going to someone else since Lopez has stated that if she sits for too long her butt has a tendency of falling asleep and she is then liable to slide right off of the chair and she could not only injure herself but cause some major damage to the set.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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