President Obama made history today by threatening to launch a nuclear offensive against Canada, should Canadian songstress Shania Twain become a Judge on American Idol.
"That woman ruined pop music from 1997 to 2000," said Obama, when asked for justification for launching certain atomic weapons against one of this nation's greatest allies, and a country that shares a common border with the U.S. "She ain't runing A.I. as well.
"I heard 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman' coming out of Michelle's iPod while on Air Force One," said Obama, referring to the President's aircraft, named after his favorite type of Nike sneaker. "I almost threw that bitch out of the plane."
Obama has not kept secret his love for America's gayest karaoke showcase, as well as how important next year's replacement judges are to him: "Look, I had to put up with them firing Paula Abdul; I dealt with that dude Ellen DeGeneres; I sat through 'Teen Idols Week'; I had to stare into the mess that was Crystal Bowersox's dental work. But I will not -- NOT!-- listen to a hack like Shania Twain for 6 hours a week."
Shania Twain is a finalist to become a permanent judge on 'American Idol, report several news sources including People magazine.
Shania is the newest names being bandied about after Jennifer Lopez listened to her debut album "On The Six", and realized that she had no f--king right to judge anyone else's singing. It does seem clear that the show's negotiations with Jennifer have ended.
Shania was an early contender for the judge's chair, People Magazine reports. Her name was on something of a dream list of possible judges that also included Elton John, Chris Isaak and Harry Connick Jr.
"I swear to f--king God, 20 minutes after I see that talentless meatsack plop her ass down next to Randy Jackson, "said Obama. "Residents of Windsor, Ontario are going to see a bright flash of light, and wonder why their skin feels so hot.