J-Lo Releases Death Metal Album

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

image for J-Lo Releases Death Metal Album
Death metal fan yesterday

Jennifer Lopez is hoping to be back in the charts this year with a new direction she describes as "shocking."

Insiders tell us that this new direction is in fact deathgrind - a sub-genre of death metal that J-Lo came across on a trip to Norway recently.

She became obsessed with the music and roped in bands like Cattle Decapitation, Cephalic Carnage, and Pig Destroyer to collaborate on the new album.

"It's great to hear J-Lo's latino-style love songs to the backing of the some of the darkest guitars and drums in rock," said a friend.

"This is going to get her a whole new audience - and hopefully her old fans will follow her."

Record producers are said to be disappointed with the new direction.

"It's hardly going to keep her latin fanbase happy," said a label chief.

A tour is planned for next year. J-Lo's people are consulting gore-fest horror movie experts on set designs and stage blood manufacturers have been alerted to expect big orders.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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