HOLLYWOOD - Well after negotiations that seemed to go on for two years, the producers of American Idol Simon Shindlebocker and Kyle Boot have announced that they have signed Jennifer Lopez to take Kara DioGuardi's place.
Shindlebocker said that they are glad to replace a New York City gal with another New York City gal. He stressed that he wanted to clear up the notion that Ms. DioGuardi had quit the show when in fact the truth of the matter is that she was fired after she asked for an outrageous raise.
Kyle Boot, who joins the American Idol crew after spending two years as producer of one of England's most popular soap operas As The Crumpets Turn, said that he is glad to be given the opportunity to work with Shindlebocker, Ryan Seacrest, and Jennifer Lopez.
When Boot was asked about Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson he smiled and simply said that he understands that Jackson has worked with Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, and the Beatles when they were still living in Liverpool.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kyle Boot has made it known that he does not care for Randy Jackson due to the fact that all the man ever seems to say about a singer, any singer, is that he or she was pitchy. Boot said that they could fire Jackson and hire a damn friggin parrot to say the same thing for 100 times less than what Jackson is paid.]
Ryan Seacrest was asked if now that his girlfriend Julianne Hough will not be appearing on Dancing With The Stars if she will be performing on American Idol. Seacrest raised his eyebrows and said that he will see too it that his honey not only performs on his show, but becomes a contestant mentor as well as a guest judge.
"Skippy" as Seacrest is known was then asked if his girlfriend's brother's girlfriend Cheryl Cole would be a guest singer on the show.
He grinned like the Compton cat that swallowed the Covina canary and said that Chezza Cole would also most certainly be appearing on the show and even dancing her latest hit with her boyfriend Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough.
Both Shindlebocker and Boot would like to state for the record that contrary to what America's blogger Perez Hilton has written, Jennifer Lopez will not be requiring two chairs for her and her ample ass.
SIDENOTE: There is no truth to the rumor that former American Idol judge Paula Abdul will be returning to AI. An insider said that Abdul is still occasionally having a bit of a problem finding her way from her bedroom to her backyard.