Sarah Palin to Star as Roxie in New Chicago Musical

Funny story written by David David

Friday, 12 December 2008

image for Sarah Palin to Star as Roxie in New Chicago Musical
The actual Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama features prominently in the new hit musical Chicago starring Sarah Palin

Windy City, Illinois - Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's star-power has landed her the leading role in a new production of the hit musical Chicago.

The most Googled person in the universe is to star in a remake of the gangster musical that will be loosely based on Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich being taken into federal custody on corruption charges, including attempting to sell President-elect Barack Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder.

Palin was offered the part in a mobile phone call while she was being filmed slaughtering and plucking turkeys.

Director Ted Kennedy said that watching Palin in the turkey video convinced him to offer her the role on the spot.

"She's just a natural in front of the camera or on a stage. She's so focused, it's like she's oblivious to everything else going on around her. That's true star quality and just what we need for Chicago."

In the new satirical Chicago production, Palin's sexy and ambitious Roxie character bids for Obama's vacant Senate seat on eBay, ruthlessly killing off rival bidders in the process. Just when she thinks she has won, eBay cancels the auction on orders from the FBI, claiming they didn't know it was illegal to sell a Senate seat.

Seeking revenge, Palin's lead character cosies up to Governor Blagojevich, who is out on bail. However she ends up falling for the 'Gov' when she discovers they have much in common, including turkey plucking. After brief stints behind bars, the pair goes out in a Bonnie & Clyde style blaze of musical glory in a stunning climactic ending.

Also cast is Hillary Clinton as the corrupt Matron 'Mama' Morton, whose system of mutual aid in the prison cell block was inspired by actual Senate back-room dealings. Clinton's double-entendre rendition of 'When You're Good to Mama, Mama's Good to You' practically steals the show.

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich convincingly portrays himself in the play, and his big song 'Razzle Dazzle' perfectly conveys his success as a former luminous US Congressman and Governor.

When Palin's Roxie realizes she's in love with the 'Gov' and playfully belts out 'All that Jizz' after a love-making scene, she does so quite convincingly. It's easy to see why Director Ted Kennedy cast her in the lead role.

However, the Blagojevich/Palin duet of 'PayPal' following the eBay auction of Obama's vacated Senate seat brings down the house.

President-elect Obama has turned down a cameo appearance in Chicago. An Obama spokesperson said that while he was honored to share center stage with Governors Palin and Blagojevich, he had to decline due to prior commitments with FBI investigators.

Chicago has been sold out and illegal tickets are being touted at prices higher than Columbian cocaine or gold on the black market.

Palin has already agreed to star in the road company national tour of Chicago. Blagojevich, unfortunately, had to turn down the tour, as he is electronically tagged and not allowed to leave the state of Illinois until his trial date has been set.

Blagojevich will be replaced on the Chicago national tour by his understudy, former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer.

Not all tour dates for Chicago have been announced, but Louisiana has been confirmed as the first stop following its grand opening in Washington for the Obama inauguration festivities. All indications are that Chicago is in for a very long run.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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