Lap Dancing Replaces Line Dancing In West Midlands Town

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

image for Lap Dancing Replaces Line Dancing In West Midlands Town
Hello. I dance on your lapski

(MIDLANDS) Stourbridge in the West Midlands now has so many lap dancing establishments, that local council bosses are considering changing the historic town's name to Patpong-on-Stour, it has emerged.

The town, with a population of 20,000 in 2001, has five pubs, a nightclub, and now seven lap dancing clubs, a figure that totally misrepresents the medieval hamlet's character, say officials.

Dave Bunyan, a local historian, told the Spoof:

"Since we got all these immigrants from Poland, Ukraine, Kosovo, Albania, Estonia and Bosnia Herzogoveniwotsit and Lapland, there's been no stoppin' 'em! Then there's them Ruskis an' them coloured fellas! We may as well call it Patpong!"

An influx from Eastern Europe has meant that the town's immigrant population now far outnumbers that of the White British minority - some say by as much as 10 to 1 - and a change from the traditional industries of mining, glassblowing, fossil-finding and nailbending, to professions in the service industry has been inevitable.

The massive changes have also put paid to several ancient local customs and pastimes. Lap dancing, it is said, has replaced the more traditional Line Dancing practised by many members of the Stourbridge community.

At The Rhino's Horn, Patpong's newest club, one lap dancer, Vena Schnitzel, originally from Warsaw, said:

"I lap dancing Stourbridgska. Hooray! Thank you very much."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more