Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 18 June 2007

image for EastEnders Dawn In Baby Birth Terror
Dawn speeds back to Walford with her "thing"

EastEnders Kara Tointon gives the performance of her life during tonight's episode of the miserable soap when the star, who plays Dawn, gives birth to a bouncing baby boy that is a hideous replica of bog-eyed Jim Branning.

A vet is called for, but Dawn, whose ample breasts are almost perfectly formed, recoils in horror and, still in her maternity gown, bolts fot the exit, and drives all the way back to Walford in a stolen ambulance.

Once there, she throws the 'creature' onto the living room carpet in front of her madcap stepdad Keith, whose hair is an 'Insect Zoo'. Noticing Dawn's blood-curdling screams of horror, Keith, who is watching the horse racing, asks her for some "peace and quiet" before calmly reaching down and devouring the child, along with a can of Tango.

As Dawn passes out, Keith tells her "Waste not, want not", before scratching his arse and settling back into his armchair for the next race.

Kara told TheSpoof:

"It's a very challenging role. I just don't know what the producers will think up next!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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