Salvatore Goombalini, a notorious figure in the underworld, has issued a stern warning to anyone who dares to harm his precious daughter, Rita, suggesting dire consequences await those foolish enough to cross that line.
Rita, a captivating and enigmatic young lady of 27, with MASSIVE breasts, has had a string of unfortunate experiences with her three former spouses, all of whom have mysteriously vanished without a trace.
According to well-informed sources, it is said that these ill-fated ex-husbands, along with Rita's most recent suitor who spurned her advances, have met a rather watery fate and found themselves sleeping amongst the aquatic inhabitants of the East River.
It is rumored that former president Donald Trump once sought the affections of Rita. However, upon facing rejection, Trump hightailed it to the nearest McDonalds to seek solace. Reports indicate that he went on a gargantuan binge, and Trump has hired a Louisiana cook to provide him with round-the-clock junk-food distraction.
SIDENOTE: Little did anyone suspect that the seemingly innocent cook from Louisiana was actually an undercover agent, strategically placed by Salvatore Goombalini to monitor Donald Trump. She is instructed to "whip his eggs" as often and vigorously as she can manage.
