NEW YORK CITY - (Spoof News) - Jennifer Lopez recently made a shocking revelation to Tittle Tattle Tonight writer Pico de Gallo, whom she's known for a long time - she's a secret scratch-off addict!
According to J.Lo, her addiction had only led to a measly $16 win back in 2013. But, her luck finally changed when she decided to purchase a scratch-off at a McDonald's joint.
As she scratched the latex off the card at her kitchen table, she couldn't believe her gorgeous, brown Puerto Rican eyes - Miss Lopez matched three jalapenos and won a whopping $6 million!
She leaped for joy, and in her excitement, one of her perfect breasts accidentally hit a lamp. The multi-talented singer, dancer, and accordion player almost crushed her beloved pet Chihuahua, Juanito.
After calling her mom and husband Ben (Affleck), who was busy rehearsing for his upcoming play, "Hey Youse, I Got Your Yo Right Here Bro" set in Brooklyn, J.Lo decided to donate some of her winnings to a group that aims to put the lying, SOB, Nazi bastard Trump behind bars.
J.Lo's fans couldn't be happier for her, and we're sure that she'll continue to bring her A-game on stage, on the big screen, and now, as a scratch-off millionaire!