MONTECITO, California - (Satire News) - Anderson Cooper recently interviewed Kim Kardashian.
He asked her how she was doing after getting dumped by "Saturday Night Live" boyfriend Pete "The Schlong" Davidson.
Kim replied that Petey was the best damn boyfriend she has ever had; and not just because he was hung like an appaloosa.
Cooper then asked her about her brand new security team.
Kim gushed with prideful pride as she said that her business manager Sal Antonucci, has hired what many consider the best bodyguards in the business.
Coop asked the Kimster how they found her crack security team. She blushed and simply said that the fellas are ex-Guatemala drug cartel members.
SIDENOTE: Andy Cohen, info guru notes that 'Kim's Hombres' are so tough they make a group of Hell's Angels look like prancing pantywaists from Greenwich Village.
