Nashville, Tennessee, high noon-ish.
The Hated American Republican Party (or HARP … ahhh, that’s what angels in Jesus’ heaven play, so the HARP must be good!) doesn’t like its leader anymore.
Paul Ryan has spoken! And his word shall be heeded, even though he’s kinda retired or something, or he just doesn’t make so much noise anymore. He says Donald is out. Under him, the GOP lost this and lost that, he’s a loser dragging down the party, only in it for himself … blah, blah, yeah, Paul, haven’t the rest of us been saying that since Day 1?
Anyway, the GOP has hired Ely Scruggs Bodene, a well-known but highly unsuccessful country and western song writer to come up with some lyrics as an anthem for the party as they walk Trump down the long concrete hallway, away from politics, and possibly toward a jailhouse.
Bodene is not known for such hits as:
“Jesus Please Us with an AR-15”
“My dog is prettier than my daughter-wife”
“KKK? A-OK!”
“Lyrics for Lynching”
and the never popular: “I vote with my spit!”
Anyway, here’s what Trump will likely hear as he leaves politics, hopefully forever:
Don’t Let The Door Hit You In The Ass
My buddy came to borrow
A beer and a buck
Sayin’ he always loses
On love and on luck
I put a dollar in his pocket
And a beer in his glass
Told him, “Don’t let the door
Hit you in the ass!”
Don’t let the door hit you in the ass
My best buddy ain’t got no class
Somebody buy him some balls of brass
Or he’ll always let the door
Hit him in the ass
My lady came to ask for
A kiss and a ring
Said if she didn’t get it
She’d have herself a fling
I said, “I’m a redneck
Don’t give me no sass
And don’t let the door
Hit you in the ass.”
Don’t let the door hit you in the ass
My sweet lady, she ain’t got no class
Somebody buy her a love that lasts
Or she’ll always let the door
Hit her in the ass
Lovely, just wonderful … that’s why they call Ely the “Songster of the South”, “The Yodeling Reb”, “Mr. Whistlin’ Dixie”, and “The Southern Handy Dandy”.
With lyrics like that, you know the South shall rise again … after another civil war which they’ll lose again, then Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert will … wait a minute! If the South lost – rebels trying to take down the USA – then why in the hell are they even allowed in politics? Why are they always the loud ones, the racist ones, the pure scum who behave like gang members in an inner city classroom waiting for the recess bell so they can lock and load, the gun-toters, the mass shooting-defenders, the anti-everything? Why did you even let them in the door, America? It’s like having one half of American politics run by corrupt politicians, and the other half run by the Taliban – but Christian Taliban! No wonder Trump invited the “Tali Ban Ban Baby” to tea and opium at the Oval Office.
Maybe this song should be for more than just Trump?
