HACKENSACK, New Jersey - (Entertainment Satire) - Cosmos News Service reporter Armada Aquatina, recently was able to track down three of Toxic Trump's distant cousins.
Maddy went to a site called "All Things Trump," and after spending about 45 minutes scrolling through various Trumpian tidbits, she came across a photo (entered in this article) of a trio of Trump's relatives.
The three were identified as distant cousins Clyde "Bubba" Titvat, Elroy "Bubba" Fellyfoot, and Goober "Paper Hat" Bippo.
Aquatina did some research on the three 'fellers' and she soon learned that only Fellyfoot voted for their cousin (The Trumpturd).
When she asked Titvat and Bippo why they did not vote for their own cousin, Titvat said, "Because Cousin Donald is nothing but a low-life, arrogant, conceited piece of rhino shit."
Bippo noted that he would not have voted for his self-centered, Nazi-lovin' pussy-grabbing cuzz if the pervert had offered to suck his pecker (dick).
[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: After the article had gone to press, Miss Aquatina stated that "Bubba" Titvat has now changed his mind and he would not vote for Cousin Don the Con, if he gave him a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. And Titvat added that he's a practicing alcoholic, so that is really fucking saying something.]