Maldives to be the First Fake Country

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Thursday, 7 July 2022

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Can Kevin Costner Save Maldives?

The Republic of Maldives will be the first to sink, according to climate experts, since the islands are already so low to the water. Despite many right-wing experts, climate change has already raised sea levels and scared the shit out of residents of the islands and atolls.

To address their fate, scientists in the Maldives have created the world’s first floating city. There, people will live and love and play without cars, only boats, and be at peace until the first asshole pokes a hole in the floor of his neighbor’s floor to sink his house.

There’s always a downside to living on water – who knew?

But can a floating city, or a collection of them, be called a nation? Laws at the United Nations will have to be re-written, since those living in a ‘fake’ city could also be called fake people. If there’s no land beneath a person’s feet, are they even walking? The Maldives may have to rely on cryptic Zen koans to understand who in the hell do they think they are walking on water all the time! (Only Jesus can do that, say Christians, and yet Maldives is a Muslim nation!)

Still, no matter how laws and nationality are decided in this brave new future, this first victim of global warming should be a warning to the rest of the world – when the oceans rise, it’s time to call Kevin Costner out of semi-retirement, and to acknowledge that perhaps ‘Waterworld’ wasn’t that terrible of a movie.

Can Costner save the world from drowning? Only Dances With Wolves can say … as long as he can keep his head above water.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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