AUSTIN, Texas - (Satire News) - "Wheelchair Willie," better known as "The Asshole From Texas," recently told a reporter with The Amarillo Morning Messenger newspaper that he is even more popular than Texas athletes Dak Prescott (Cowboys), Jose Altuve (Astros), Luka Doncic (Mavericks), Keldon Johnson (Spurs), and Martin Perez (Rangers).
Abbott, who was hit in the head with a bowling ball on his 61st birthday, says that everyday he rolls two miles on his wheelchair.
He was asked about the fact that a flamingo got in front of him a few days and he ran it over.
Abbott explained it off by saying that he pink feathered bird had no business on Interstate 35.
He was asked about his mandating that EVERY early voting Democrat ballot in the ENTIRE state of Texas has to be put in a ballot box in Amarillo!
Abbott sneezed, took a hit of some garlic-flavored throat spray and replied, that yes, since he is basically the king of Texas, he is allowed to cheat in any way, shape, or form that he sees fit, in or order to keep from losing the gubernatorial race to the El Paso Prince, Beto O'Rourke.
