WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - Trump says that the only reason why he is watching The Senate Condemnatory Hearings on The Evil Terrorist Assault of Jan. 6, is so that he can hopefully catch glimpses of his beautiful, sexy, estranged favorite child, Ivanka.
DJT says that he hopes to one day Ivanka will forgive him for the four or five times that he kissed her passionately on the lips, or grabbed a handful of her tits, or caressed her sexy ass.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Ahh, four or five times??? It's more like thousands and thousands of times, but hey old Nazi Britches is nothing if not a pathological liar.]
Senate Hearing vice-chairman Liz Cheney has asked that Trump be subpoenaed, so that he can appear before the select committee and then she, Chairman Thompson, Nancy Pelosi, and Adam Schiff, can all tear him a new asshole.
