PENSACOLA - (Satire News) - A close friend of Trump's (one of only two or three that are left) says that "Cheddar Face" told him that the damn walls of justice are closing in on him.
The friend who said to use the fake name "Boo Boo," revealed that the Trumptard has finally realized that he fucked up royally, with all of his constant lies, claims of witch hunts, claims of hoaxes, and claims of voting irregularities.
"Boo Boo" noted that Trump has gained lots of weight because he is now nervously eating 10 Big Macs a day.
He revealed that "The Hamburglar" has now ballooned up to 341¼ pounds, with Trump claiming that 109 pounds is actually water weight.
Trump's friend "BB" remarked that Trump is now 99.92% certain he will end up in prison, and probably in Sing Sing Prison.
SIDENOTE: The old Pussy Grabber assures "Boo Boo" that once he gets to prison, he promises that he will escape within 12 hours, if not sooner.