THE VATICAN - (Satire News) - Pope Francisco has just issued a sexual order which gives him the authority to mandate intimate matters to the world's Catholics.
The mandate states that due to several (unnamed) reasons, the high pope has ruled that effective immediately, all Catholic individuals will only be allowed to have sexual relations once a month.
The pope says that he is not trying to dictate to his flock what they can and cannot do in the privacy of their own bedroom, livingroom, kitchen, or in the back seat of their family vehicle.
He did stress that he DOES have the authoritative authority to dictate how many times couples can engage in the horizontal hokey pokey, as boinking is called in Massachusetts.
SIDENOTE: Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that the first city that has stated that they will not be complying with Francisco's mandate is the city, known as "Sin City," which is Las Vegas.
