HACKENSACK, New Jersey – (Satire News) – Melania Trump recently talked to Anderson Cooper and mentioned to him that her husband is going bat-shit crazy because his popularity rating has gone from 38% down to 13.7%.
Melly, as her BFF LeBron James calls her, said that Donaldo is only sleeping about 25 minutes a night, and since he is banned from texting, he uses an Etch-a-Sketch, to write out his fucked up mean, cruel, vicious attacks on everyone from Mitch McConnell to Omarosa and Jeff Sessions to Stormy Daniels.
Cooper asked Mrs. Trump if it’s true that even his favorite nephew, Wally Trump has turned on his uncle and is now wearing a “Trump Sux” cap.
Melania responded by saying, “Jes Andersoon, eat ease berry, berry truth dat Wully Trump hates hees raceest, uncle so fooking mush dat he ease proudly wearings a Trump Sux cap on da top uff hees head.”
SIDENOTE: Anderson asked Mrs. Trump how much Moby Dick weighs. She replied, “Dee Moby Deek wail he ease now weighings 351 pounds.”
