WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Congressman Matt Gaetz, who many say looks like an ugly Idaho potato, is positively livid at the rumors that he is getting his tiny pee-pee (penis) enlarged.
Gaetz, who is in a world of deep do-do due to counterfeiting charges, as well as charges that he tried to solicit an undercover Baltimore cop for illicit oratorial sexuality, says that his wiener is every bit of 9¼ inches long in it’s flaccid (limp state).
Info guru Andy Cohen was asked to verify the size of Gaetz pecker and he began laughing uncontrollably saying that the only way Matty’s sausage (dick) could be 9¼ inches, is if a sumo wrestler grabbed it and stretched on it non-stop for 25 minutes (and then that’s a maybe).
SIDENOTE: A reporter with the Chicago Daily Wind newspaper spoke to Gaetz ex-girlfriend Marjorie Taylor Greene and she revealed that Matty’s schlong (peter) is in fact 2½ long (and that’s when the diddly do (prick) is in it’s Erectus Bubliosis state.
