ARLINGTON, Virginia – (Satire News) – Congressman Matt Gaetz of Florida probably has more nicknames than GOP political pricks such as Mitch “The Moscow Bitch” McConnell, Jim “The Wrestling Perv” Jordan, Lindsay “Sissy Britches” Graham, and Steve “Moon Face” Bannon.
It’s no secret that earlier this year Matt “Potato Head” Gaetz was dating Marjorie Taylor Greene, aka “La Chupacabra.”
The two were even rumored to have gotten engaged on an 8-days and 6 nights romantic get-a-away to Puerto Presley, Haiti.
In fact, iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli wrote that MTG had told her podiatrist that she thought she was pregnant.
When asked who the father was, she paused and said that it could be any of four men; Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump, Matt Gaetz, or possibly even hip hop recording artist Yo Yo Afro Woke.
Meanwhile Miss Vermicelli has said that she spoke with Gaetz about his upcoming bombshell book and she said that MTG will be shocked at some of the extremely, extremely intimate details that he will be revealing about her.
When pressed to reveal one or seven things, “Potato Head” grinned like the Colombian cat that swallowed the Costa Rican canary; smacking his lips.
He then said that for one thing Marjorie’s labia minora and her labia majora are switched giving her crotch one hell of a very confusing look.
Gaetz also revealed that if you pick up Taylor Greene's sagging left knocker you will find a tattoo with the name “Donald T” in red ink.
SIDENOTE: Gaetz informed Miss V. that the reason he dumped MTG’s ass is because it was covered with so much damn cellulite that it made him nauseous and dizzy just lying three feet from it.
