MAR-A-LAGO, Florida – (Satire News) – Ipso Facto News is reporting that a group of Smash & Grab hoodlums managed to break into the Trumptard's Mar-a-Lago complex at 2:35 am.
According to one of the maids, who was in the kitchen eating a salami and cheddar cheese sandwich, the thugs, who she said numbered around 24 or so, managed to take expensive paintings, relics from the Civil War, Yves St. Laurent Designer Cigarette Ash Trays, and 18 or so Big Macs that were in the refrigerator.
The maid said she hid in the broom closet fearing for her life and hoping that she would not get molested by the lascivious jerks.
According to Redwood Fingerboo with IFN, one of the homegrown terrorists had a tattoo with the likeness of Jeff Sessions on the small of her back.
When the lying orange bitch (Trump) learned what the Smash & Grab group had taken, he became extremely angry and downright depressed.
Fingerboo noted that old “Hamburger Belly” was furious at the fact that the punks had stolen all of his Big Macs.
