Mar-a-Lago - (Satire News) - 2:45 am
TWEET 1. I don’t care what Biden, Harris, Pelosi, Shumer, and Lemon say, I won the election fair and square. [2:45 am]
TWEET 2. For the last time, I have never boinked that horrendously ugly whore Marjorie Taylor Greene. I don't even know the dishwater blonde bitch. [2:49 am]
TWEET 3. For the 913th time, Melania is not leaving me for LeBron James. [2:57 am]
TWEET 4. If I ever get my hands on Michael Cohen I will make him cry uncle, daddy, grandpa, and step-father. [3:03 am]
TWEET 5. I hate Nancy Pelosi more than I hate my hemorrhoids. [3:07 am]
TWEET 6. The election was stolen from me. I don’t know why those 91% of the people who don’t believe me, don’t believe me. [3:14 am]
TWEET 7. No, Hope Hicks is not pregnant with my baby. I use condoms all the time. In fact I am wearing one as I sit at my computer typing this tweet at 3:18 am. [3:18 am]
TWEET 8. In case you're wondering how I am able to send these illegal tweets since I've been banned from tweeting. My good friend Vlady Putin had one of his electronic Russian wizards show me how I can circumvent the system where my name shows up as Betty P. Spitflower. [3:24 am]
