DUCK DUNG, Alabama – (Satire News) – The Republican publication GOPicky Magazine has revealed that Melania’s “Sugar Daddy,” DJT will be checking into The Stonewall Jackson Testicals Clinic to undergo that clinic’s very first monkey-to-human cojones (balls) transplant.
A spokesperson for the clinic, Beauregard “Bubba” Wankerfield, stated that the old Big Mac-addicted Trump was born with undescended testes.
Ivanka, his Stepford Wife daughter commented that although her handsome daddy didn’t have any gonads (onions), he has managed to some how produce some wigglers (sperm).
Several well known Trump insiders have stated, off-the-record, that the real father of Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric was actually a white Boston Celtics NBA player.
Trump, upon hearing that, called up his BFF, Sean Hannity and said that he has never been to Boston, he hates basketball players; especially black ones, and furthermore he has no fuckin' idea what the hell a Celtic even is.
The Trumptard, who has just hit 339 pounds, said that the rumor about him not having any balls was most probably started by that blonde, long-haired, sexy-as-shit harlot, Stormy Daniels.