Donald Trump Says That Ivanka Told Him He Better Get His Ass Into The Witness Protection Program Immediately If Not Sooner

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 23 September 2021

image for Donald Trump Says That Ivanka Told Him He Better Get His Ass Into The Witness Protection Program Immediately If Not Sooner
Donald and Ivanka in bed kissing and caressing...REALLY???

MANHATTAN – (Satire News) – Word filtering out of the Ivanka Trump household is that Trump’s favorite child is worried as shit that her daddio, as she has called him since she was 8, will soon be locked up for a long, long time.

Ivanka recently spoke with one of the nation's top comedians, Zydeco Dupree, at a diet bagel shop in Manhattan, and he suggested that (1) DJT needs to immediately stop all of his asinine bullshit, claiming that he really won the election.

(2) He needs to stop insulting black athletes, because it only serves to validate what Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Barbra Streisand and tens of millions of other individuals have been saying for years, and that is that the “Orange-Colored He-Bitch” is nothing more than a lying, white extremist, racist, mothereffing whoremonger.

And (3), the pussy grabbing fuckface needs to do something about that ugly-looking, wet beaver hairdo that sits on top of his over-sized head.

Ivanka thanked Dupree for his wonderful advice, and she asked him to autograph her right tit, which he was only too happy to do, taking about four minutes to do so.

SIDENOTE: Zydeco Dupree will be appearing at Chicago's Al Capone Commemorative Coliseum in late November, where he will do a benefit to raise money to buy clothes, food, video games, and Diet Dr. Peppers for Chicago’s poverty-riddled kids.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more