MAR-a-LAGO, Florida – (Satire News) – Traci Diddle, with The National Rumblings News Agency stated that one of Trump’s personal masseuses told her that Trump has decided to dedicate himself to just three of his girlfriends; Maria Bartiromo, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Hope Hicks.
Miss Diddle revealed that Donald Jonathan confided to CNN’s Don Lemon that old "Butt Face" is afraid of catching the dreadful Trumpapalooza virus, so as a result he has made the decision to cut back on his “Pussy Grabbing” by 400%.
Trump told Don Lemon that he has figured out a way to stay 100% safe, and Lemon asked, by abstaining from sex?
And Trump replied, that, that is one way, but he then commented that the best way is to just play with himself and to completely avoid penis-to-vagina coitus.
Really? Lemon asked.
“Yep,” came the reply from the Trumptard, who then added that he knows that he will not get the Trumpapalooza virus again, because just in the past 5 weeks, he has taken 6 Pizer shots, 5 Moderna shots, and 3 Johnson & Johnson Delta Dawn shots.
In Other Trump Family News: Trump’s personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, told iRumors that Trump’s 15-year-old son Barron, now has a higher IQ than his son-of-a-bitch father. Donald Trump’s IQ is 72, and Barron’s IQ is 108.