CUCUMBER CREEK, Rhode Island – (Satire News) – Little 8-year-old dare devil sensation Billy “Rocket Boy” Pizzquilly was bound and determined to prove that he can get his rocket contraption, which he named “Bitchfire,” to travel at speeds exceeding 125 mph.
His father Cyrus Pizzquilly, 37, and his mother Sarah Pizzquilly, 51, helped him by providing with the needed funds for rocket fuel, a uniform, steel toe sneakers, eye goggles, a crotch cup, and snacks; which included Fritos, Hostess Twinkies, and reconstituted avocados.
So with several members of the local media in attendance, his mom, who is 14 years older than her husband, lit the fuse that propelled little Billy on his quest to hit 125 mph plus.
The little human rocket was doing well, but at 47-seconds into the ride he suddenly lost control and ended up crashing into a Vietnamese Nail Salon.
Employees and customers ran out of the shop yelling and screaming like crazed Bulgarian banshees.
Meanwhile little Billy only received minor injuries; which included a sprained left middle finger, a bruised right ear, and a semi-bent bibidy boo, which a specialist from Brooklyn says should completely return to normal by Halloween (October 31).