JOHANNESBURG, South Africa – (World Satire) – The director of the Apartheid Family Zoo has just confirmed that 3 adult female African elephants were stolen overnight.
Zoo Director Kimberly P. Queenscrown, 57, reported the incident to the Johannesburg Police Department.
When a detective with the JPD asked her for a description of the stolen elephants, she replied that they the are just your basic, run-of-the-mill African female elephants.
When pressed to be more specific Ms. Queencrown, who is 7-months pregnant, noted that one of the elephants weighs 5,341 pounds, one weighs 6,126 pounds, and the third one weighs 7,113 pounds.
She then pointed out that the three answer to the names Ellie, Gladys, and Madonna.
Ms. Queencrown also noted that Madonna is 27 months pregnant and can become quite moody if her ears aren’t tickled every 2 to 3 hours.
She said that Ellie is addicted to Chicken McNuggets and Gladys has a tattoo of a Swahili warrior on her pubic region.
The zoo is offering an $800 reward for the safe return of the elephant trio.
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the JPD says that officers are currently checking out local pawn shops and they are certain that the 3 lady elephants will be found very soon.