NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) – The fella who knocked King Sean Hannity out of the Fox News #1 spot, has remarked that he totally denies all of the recent rumors that he was caught with $35,000 in counterfeit $5 bills.
Carlson told Ipso Facto News that the charges are clearly trumped up (he giggled and said ‘no pun intended’).
But a spokesperson for The US Department of Counterfeiting says otherwise.
Chad “The London Lad” Hooperfickle, 51, reported that a three months long investigation showed that out of the 7,000 counterfeit bills, Carlson’s fingerprints and DNA were found on 4,902 of the bills.
Tucky, stated that somehow his fingerprints and DNA were photoshopped onto the bills.
In Other News. Donald Trump, Jr’s, girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle told Don Lemon that she has no idea where the rumor started, but she insists that she definitely does not have any cellulite on her ovaries.