The Rolling Stones To Kick Off Their “We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Viagra Tour” in September

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 23 July 2021

image for The Rolling Stones To Kick Off Their “We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Viagra Tour” in September
The Rolling Stones had their first hit, "Not Fade Away," in 1964, 57 years ago!!!

LONDON – (Satire News) – England’s Ta Ta For Now News has just announced that the legendary Rolling Stones will start their postponed 2020 tour in late September of this year.

TTFNN’s reporter Loretta Piffinshaw, who recently was awarded her house, her 2016 Kia Sorento, and the couple’s six dogs, in a divorce decree was thrilled to interview Stones lead singer Mick Jagger, who is 77, but admits to looking 79.

Mick expressed to Miss Loretta that the band has been practicing 4 hours a day, 7 days a week, and has made a group promise not do any drugs, not to drink any alcohol, and not to engage in any boinking.

The upcoming tour pegged the “We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Viagra Tour” will kick off in St. Louis at the 57,000 (sold out!) Fly-Over-State Arena.

Stones drummer Charlie Watts revealed that he has been doing 200 push-ups a day and staying away from crumpets, tea, and English muffins; he quickly added somewhat tongue-in-cheek, "The food, not the you-know-what."

Lead guitarist Keith Richards, who is 77, told Miss Piffinshaw that he may be able to give up drugs and alcohol, but he isn’t sure about not be able to get some hooha.

On a sad note, long-time Rolling Stones bass player, Bill Wyman, who is 84, told Loretta that he will not be able to participate on the tour due to an inflamed uvula, a case of second-degree athlete’s foot, and the fact that he has kinda forgotten half of the songs.

SIDENOTE: Along with the usual assistants, roadies, sound people, and security guards, the Rolling Stones have also hired a team of 3 doctors and 5 nurses to sit right off to the side of the stage...just in case.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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