LAS VEGAS – (Satire News) – The Bravisimo Network has just divulged that the winner of the 2021 Girl USA Beauty Pageant has been stripped of her title, her crown, her sash, and her $200,000 college scholarship.
The B Network stated that Miss Alabama, Missy Lizzy Shirtquist, 22, has been disqualified as this year’s winner due to the fact, that when the 3 judges conducted an intimate inspection of Miss Shirtquist’s pubic region, they surprisingly came upon (no pun intended) a bit of a little something that has no business being where it was.
When Miss Shirtquist asked the three judges, if she could explain. They simply said that there was no need to explain, since even Stevie Wonder can see that she/he has a male perkerino between her legs (even though it’s the size of an acorn), but none-the-less.
Miss (or rather Mr. Shirtquist) said that she/he was embarrassed as hell and asked if she could at least keep her sash and the $200,000 college scholarship.
Judge Emma Tantalini, who was recently cleared of the embezzlement charges, replied “No ma’am! or rather no sir!”
Tantalini then remarked that she needs to go to the bathroom and remove her official Miss USA competitive bra, panties, and pantyhose and return them to the judges immediately.
Meanwhile, Judge Brody Ficka, told Miss/Mr. Shirtquist, that she/he is very lucky that they do not charge her/him with statutory impersonation of a beauty contest contestant.
Shirtquist started crying like a sissygirl and then blurted out “Bite me!” as she turned and swished out of the building riding off on her pink Joan of Arc Yamaha motorcycle.